Unrequited Love not Love

Category: By Han Fei
Tell me this, is unrequited love not love?

Some friend of mine who experienced such unrequited love in his childhood told me that this can not be called as 'love'. ANd yet ironically, he in turn caused some to 'admire' him secretly whom he decisively reject.

What is this?!

This is obscured!
With such words come out from his 'mouth', i couldn't help but feel sympathy to the one who had/have the crush in him.

Could someone here tell me, or better yet, explain to me, is unrequited love is not love?


They are the Same

Category: By Han Fei
They were the same. They are the same. They will be the same.
I couldn’t stand them shouting at her any longer… … but, what can I do?!
Who am I to stop them?!
Why could they just shout up and let her do her stuff, her job in her own way?!
I hate… … I hate… … but I just can’t bring myself to hate them.

Times and times, events such as this keep occurring, they are the same, or similar. And they never stop happening. Since I was small, the other ‘they’ keep shouting at each other, I HATE… but I pretended as if nothing has happening, there no voice, no sound, nothing is happening.

Silence, Tranquility, Nothingness, Emptiness… …

I know I’m bluffing myself, but what can I do?!

Just when other ‘they’ slightly cease to do so, they started another out roar at home!!!
I can’t stand these any longer. I feel as though there was something in my heart, yearning to gush out from this too cramp and yet overly crowded heart and yet it can’t.

I halted it advance, before it could be seen.
I tried to stop them, I couldn’t, I ‘m helpless.

I HATE, I HATE, I HATE!!!!!!!!

Do you think you are the only one with Family Problems?
Think again.



Category: By Han Fei
Find me a hole, then i can hide myself from facing total embarrassment on 28th of December!

How can someone with such healthy mental did such an embarrassment mistake?

Oh my Goodness... ...

How am i to face them?
What should i do?
Oh God!

Help your humble and pathetic servant!!!


My Words

Category: By Han Fei
You all know it. You all feel it.

You all are not blind, and I know that clearly.
Though we are not clear of the whole thing but we still know it. It just that we acted as if we don't care, we don't want to bother, but deep down in our hearts we still feel the discomfort and the aches.

It is just like what I feel toward you trio.

I tried to cover these emotions and feelings from surfacing on my face. Try as I might I knew it wouldn't be good enough. Thus, rather than hiding these feelings in such distress, I thought, why don't I just convert these into another form of expression or act? Such as teasing, lame jokes?
I admit, for times I had been overdoing it, I just can't be helped; but sometimes you all did not rebuke me about it, maybe because of the guilt you had for leaving me alone. Just like me, you all can't be helped.

Honestly, now, I barely feel such strong emotion as before, but there is still a tiny pixel thorn in it. Hah! Well, maybe soon enough it will be fade away, but not memories.

Those memories, is still there and will always be apart in my heart no matter what happens maybe they will be pushed aside when time flows by, but they will never diminished or faded.

All those thing that happened in these one and half year, I here by sincerely say thank and sorry.

And one more thing, *you need to highlight the words to read them…


The Inferior's Shadow and The Superior's Mask

Category: By Han Fei
Shadows over shadows, layers by layers, masks upon masks; that was their unspoken truce.

They had jokes and talks, they laughed and shared together yet at the same time one of them had to pay attention to the other one’s ever changing mask that was so obvious and yet so hidden at the same time for she was much inferior to the other one.
She had favours that only the other can help.

While the superior one, she tried to go along with the other one, though not as bogus as her. Yes, both of them are of the same kind, though their ways of thinking differ.

It was not long ago, when they were 1st time being that close after the superior one offered a hand for her. While she had been admired the superior one for not so long, for her, the superior one was determined hardworking and surrounding was a sense of sophisticated aura.

But after they been together for this long, she realised… …that the superior one is a hypocrite who is easily offended by almost everything and yet she kept most of these anger in her heart, suppressing them perfectly only to reveal some of these to the inferior one while the inferior one tried all her might to please her.

Pathetic and disgusting they are.

But as time flies, days and months passed by, the superior one started to break away from the initial treaty, she had lose all her patience after witnessing the other side of the inferior one which turned out to be not as inferior as the superior thought she was.

And there she thought that, the inferior one does not know of her intention.
A Fool she was!

A pathetic FOOL!
A disgusting FOOL!
A despicable FOOL!

The inferior one had much large plan at her back, she knew that such day would come, and she had started cease her wants on the superior one, on the other hand secretly gaining her very own supports.

Soon enough that was yesterday, the superior one decided that she did not want to hide all her disgust towards the inferior one. She outburst her anger and acted as if nothing had happened, but she knew deep down that inferior one must have know that she is no longer a friend but as MERE classmates. Then, she dumped her, leaving nothing for her. Yet fortunately her friends helped her, superior one’s plan failed. By this time the inferior one had gained enough supports, still she decided that she would just pretend nothing had happened until… …the final moment.

The final moment where these 2 can finally parted ways as graduates.

That time would be real soon…


Then I will no longer need to look at her repulsive mask!


Freedom, wait for me... ...i will be by your side soon!
Please wait for me!

Author’s Notes.

This is a story about 2 hypocrites and one of them is me. Try guessing who the other one is….

Those who know me will understand what I’m trying to say.
Yes, I’m angry! I chose not to show it to that fool!

But soon….*grins evilly…

Soar’s Collection

Category: By Han Fei

Soar’s Collection



Final Fantasy Vii Play Arts
Tifa Lockhart
Aerith Gainsborough

Final Fantasy xii Play Arts

Used to own
Final Fantasy x Play Arts
But I gave them up for ‘adoption’. The color on them especially Tidus faded and some part of him even darkened.



Final Fantasy Mini Trading Arts vol.1
Cloud(ff7), Rinoa(ff8),Yuna(ffx-2), Vaan and Penelo(ff12)

Final Fantasy Mini Trading Arts vol.2
Tifa(ff7), Squall(ff8), Auron(ffx), Ashe and Basch(ff12)

Phone Strap

Final Fantasy vii potion batch 2
Tifa, Cloud, Sephiroth, Rufus and Turks, Zack, Red xiii and Cait Sith, Vincent

Final Fantasy vii Advent Pieces Limited
Non-Scale models-Cloud and Fenrir
Keychain Serial no.
Cap in tin
DVDs Advent Children Movie and Last Order
Advent Children Script replica
Final Fantasy vii International ps1 game(Jap) with stand


Final Fantasy vii Advent Children
Cloud, Tifa, Kadaj, Loz, Yazoo


Persona 3 Mitusru Kirijo


Good Smile Company

Shuraki Series
Akatsuki Michiro
Ryu Mei fung
Char Rhouseman


Fate/Hollow Ataraxia
Mini Trading Arts vol.1
Saber, Shiro Emiya, Caren, Avenger, Illya,


Let's Crap

By Han Fei
Welcome! This is the place where you can crap all you want while listen to some musics and... ...

Relax... ...
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
... ...or you will end up like him!

Choose your music and start your chat now!
If you think there are some other song that you wann listen too please PM me and tell me where to get the song and i will download it and put them on the list.



By Han Fei

Find entries :

By Categories

By Months


By Han Fei
After staring at my large and messy pile of links located at my sidebar, i decided to rearrange the whole thing and complie them into one page.
This way my blog will look less messy and clean.

Ps, to those who somehow stumble upon this section and fine that your blog links are not listed as below, that is because you guys had cease to update your blogs, thus, not wanting to waste too many space for this section i had deleted them. Please email me if you guys has new links or resume blogging again!


Inside Malaysia Inside School
U6A/2007 Classmates
  • AwYong

  • ZhenLin

  • HonHoong

  • 5P1/2005 Classmates
  • SuFen

  • YouHeng

  • Erin

  • SuWei

  • JyyWei

  • ShengKai

  • LiangJie

  • RuZhen

  • AiWei

  • XiangLeng

  • WaiSeng

  • Ex-Schoolmates
  • JiaRou

  • YeeWei
  • (dead)

    Class Blog
  • The Sixth Artz

  • --------------------------

    Outside School Inside Malaysia
  • Johnathan

  • Sifu Yen

  • ------------------------
    Outside Malaysia

    Will add later... i think....



    Let Go (Self Version) Grand Finale

    Category: By Han Fei
    Below is one of my prized experiences from the past that i MUST post them in this blog, even if they are kinda old.

    posted on 3/20/06 on my old blog


    The fat guy with glasses is the PP Teoh which i was talking about.

    My treat to all my 'loyal' readers out there, thanks for your comments and support!



    Nothing is certain but death and taxes. ~ Benjamin Franklin

    The idiot is relentless, the idiot never rests, always on the prowl. I mean, you're just walking down the street, minding your own business, when you turn a corner and bam! An idiot right in your face. ~ Jorge F. Guiti


    Let Go (Self Version) Part 5

    Category: By Han Fei
    Below is one of my prized experiences from the past that i MUST post them in this blog, even if they are kinda old.

    posted on 3/17/06 on my old blog

    Okay, i hope i can finish the story in this post, I'm getting real tired to keep this thing on and on and on. Plus i got a job to do, SuWei's gone for holiday and i gotta replace her as a temporary full time sales assistant.....

    Not having enough sleep...




    Today was my first day working in Travel Style, i had trouble finding the tiny outlet. Anyway, i finally gotta see SuWei after 3 months isolation in home.

    As a amateur I was a total blur queen not knowing what to do. SuWei did most of the things such as cleaning and dealing with the Customers. Luckily, Monday is a slow and quiet day in One Utama Shopping Mall. I don't have much trouble there though i also didn't learn much.

    After cleaning the shop, SuWei and i started a conversation about PP. And Then , i realized. Not 99% of what he said to me in untrue, instead 99.99999999% is UNTRUE!

    What The Heck?!

    Remember that i once wrote that PP told me that he had working in this outlet for a few weeks, his salary was RM1500 and even Datin came? All those were Lies, just pure Lies. He just started working in that outlet since Tuesday, he was just a amateur, how could boss gave him so much even Suwei only gets Rm1100 per month! And he worked there for MONTHS?

    BuLL SHiT!
    (For more Refer Part 3)

    The more we chat about him the luckier and angrier i felt, I felt lucky cause i didn't agree to be his IGNORANT GIRL FRIEND, i felt angry cause, only 0.00000001% of what he said was true.


    After a few hours of total daydreaming and talking crap, a middle age guy carrying a worn out backpack holding a newspaper came into our outlet. At 1st, he looked suspicious (the 1st impression he gave was he's a SAMSENG), he kept asking things about PP, SuWei and I just gave each other a glare not sure what should we reply to him. Fearing that this could mean big trouble to ourselves and the outlet, we gathered our courage and asked him, "Who are you?"

    He held out a card with him name on it along with a One Utama Logo on in. "I'm the Head Security of this Shopping Mall. I received some reports about PP showing up in this Place, and i heard that he was working here, so i came to check."

    "Why do you wanna check on him?"

    "I received many reports about him kept borrowing money from staffs in this Mall. And he even made false reports about him being robbed in this mall."
    "Oh, i see,"

    "Anyway do you have his phone number?"

    "Oh, we have but the number connects to his father not him,"

    "hmm....i see, does he ever appears in this area again?"

    "as far as we know, No"

    ".............thanks anyway,"

    Not wanting the let go the chance to claim back my money and umbrella, i quick called a halt to the guy and told him all about my experience with PP.

    "Hmm... i see, ok then if we had any news about him we'll call you," and then he left.

    Both of us stared at each other for a moment.



    We were speechless.

    An hour later, that Head of Security came again. This time with a news about PP. "We finally caught that boy,"

    "Huh? That was fast, how you did it?" i asked out of curiosity.

    "I has my own way, " he grinned with confidence and secrecy. "Anyway, i would like you to come and gave us a simple report about how he cheated on you, so i 'm here to bring you to our office,"

    "Huh? Really? You guys has a office here in One Utama?" SuWei gave me a look. I know i sounded like a kampung girl, but i can't help it, i never knew that they HAD A OFFICE, and i never see it before.


    Anyway that guy brought me to the office and then i realised, that their office was located in the Old Wing at the 4th floor. Oh I see....

    You had to type some sort of password in order to enter the office. Whoa.....

    And in the office, i saw that DREADED PP looking so ever 'innocent' just like that 1st time i saw him sitting on a chair facing a guy ( i assumed him as a security) with him big head bowed down. As i entered the office, he looked surprised as he saw me. I immediately gave him a 鬼脸.


    There approximately 5 securities in that office. They made fun of him as they saw me, "What? You even cheated a girl? Whoa, what a guy you are!"

    "Hahahahahaha........." they laughed. PP bowed his head even lower than before.


    The Head of security then handed a piece of paper for me to file my report and then i thought of something, "erm , excuse me mister, i wasn't being cheated in this mall, but in Sunway Pyramid, so can i just writing it down?"

    He stared at me for like a minute, ".......... never mind, just write it down,"

    "Okay...." I know I'm stupid. Laugh lar if you felt like laughing....


    After 10 minutes of struggling how to write the report, i finally finished it. DAMN, this report is much easier than what i learnt in school....why do we learn those troubling report format for?

    Anyway back to the topic, the head then started to escort me back to my working place. Before leaving i managed to gave PP another 鬼脸. He just stared at me as i left the office.



    I felt like i just gave him a hard stab in his chest. Happy, Happy!

    And then i just went back to my outlet and told everything about SuWei. That was the last time i see that IDIOTIC JERK.

    Still i could get him off my mind as i was wondering about what his 'punishment' might be....


    Days Later, I was in MSN chatting and then....


    "Go AWAY!"

    "Let me explain, I DIDN'T DO IT, and for that i was jailed for 2 days,"

    Hahahahaha, like i believe him. Do i looked like an idiot or what?

    JAILED? Go To HeLL!

    "Yeah righT, anyway, i don't wanna talk to you anymore so...."

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    "GO AWAY"

    Then i immediately i blocked him. Jerk!

    This is Fun! So this is how rejecting a guy feels like.



    And then i talked to him no more. Yet , i did not delete his address.

    Wanna know why?
    Cause i forgotten about it until a week later....i accidentally saw his contact in my MSN, and you know what his nich name was?

    "~I had no one with me, i lost everything including 3 of my girl friends~"

    See? He's a total jerk!
    This prompted me not to delete his contact.

    Few a days ago, i saw his new nickname, it was.....

    "~Me myself and Kei Kei~"

    I remember last time when he asked me to be his girlfriend his nickname was...

    "~Me myself, God and HanFei~" (cause he knew that i was a christian)

    He is sure fast to get another GIRLFRIEND.
    Wonder who is the new victim?

    Today, i went online, again. His nickname is...

    "~I love you Kei Kei~"


    Let us all hope that the girl won't be cheated like i was. And Hopefully he won't cheated her till she have S*X with him.... I can't bear to imagine her doing that with him.....

    Frankly he's really really an not GOOD LOOKING GUY.....

    It gives me the chills.....

    *Cross my hand and prays*


    Yeay, I finally finished this story. I can finally Work and Blog in peace!
    But i ain't gonna put his pic in this post yet.

    Beg me and i'll post!


    Waiting anxiously for your comments, again!

    Let Go (self Version) part 4

    Category: By Han Fei
    Below is one of my prized experiences from the past that i MUST post them in this blog, even if they are kinda old.

    posted on 3/7/06 on my old blog

    Sorry guys, i promised some of you that I'll finish this whole story in part3 but well, i guess i like to put to many descriptive words into my story.


    So sit down and enjoy this shocking(?) background about PP Teoh.



    It had been more than 34 hours since i last heard from PP Teoh. He no longer online nor (thank God) or call me. Well, it's not like he has ever call me using my house phone nor my sister hand phone when we not 'dating'(?).

    Whatever, at least he was out of my dreams and sight. I was again blogging with Iced Feather and then, SuWei called me.

    "Hi HanFei, so how is PP?"

    "Erm...." i stammered while trying to find the right words to reply her, after all she was the one who introduced PP to me.

    "Never mind this 1st, i got something important to tell ya,"

    "Huh? What is it?" i asked while my mind had another thought, PP did something stupid after i told him about my feelings? Such as committed suicide?

    Hahahahaha...he wouldn't do that. Just joking.

    "It about PP..."

    What?! Don't tell me it's true he really .......This stupid.

    "I heard that he was being robbed while playing in the One Utama Shopping Mall's arcade along with a girl...and i thought the girl might be you, so i call you to have a check."

    "Huh?" Ceh, it wasn't that serious as i thought it would be. Silly me.

    "So...how is he?" "I don't know, but i heard that the girl with him had suffered some bone break while they were struggling with the robbers,"

    "Oh i see," Luckily it wasn't me. Suddenly i felt that i was clever enough to refuse to go with him that often. Actually, after that Friday, i do not have any intention to go out with him any longer.

    "So that's all?" I asked again.

    "There's one more thing i wanted to ask you,"

    "What is it?" "Currently you're not working right?"

    "Yeah, so?"

    "So my boss wanted me to ask you whether you want to work there with me as part time sales assistant?"

    "Huh? What about PP? I thought he's working there...." i was half surprised and half happy that i finally gonna get a job.

    "Well, it seems that he doesn't wanna work there anymore, so....how? Do you want it or not?"

    "Of course i want!" I exclaimed.

    "So... when do i start working?" I don't need interview to have a job, lucky me. As you can see, i really suck at interview, i never pass an interview in my whole life including my life in secondary school.


    "Whoa, so fast?"

    "Of course, PP's no longer here, we don't have enough people to guard the shop," "Okay ,okay, then...."

    "Okay, then it's settled, bye HanFei,"

    "Yeah, sure. Good Nite, SuWei," And then , i back to my blog. I couldn't stop hoping that PP would online, just for this time. Maybe because i thought i could get some juicy stories about him being robbed, again. (I know i'm evil, but hey, he's a total jerk. )


    Shocking? or Not so shocking?

    Whatever.....you'll know the aftermath ......

    Okay, i thought i could finish this story in part 4 it seems that i can't. And I'm getting sorta lazy to continue this story....i should just stop here or finish the whole thing?


    Anyway, part 5 is gonna be the finale of this story. (or maybe part6....?)
    So please do bear with me.

    Let Go (self version) Part 3

    Category: By Han Fei
    Below is one of my prized experiences from the past that i MUST post them in this blog, even if they are kinda old.

    posted on 2/28/06 on my old blog


    I only manage to update this story once a week...
    So, sorry....

    Plus i just being tagged by Erin, ....

    Got Lotsa stuff to update .....


    I arrived at Taman Paramount station' s bus stop for nearly an hour and still no sign of PP. My tummy was grumbling hard enough to be heard from outside and my patience was growing quite thin. If wasn't for that PP i would have be home by now with my tummy stuffed with foods. The more i thought of it the angrier i get, i felt like going home despite of my poor hunger-tortured tummy groaning sound, i saw the feeder bus (which i gonna get on if i wanted to get home) came back after going a big round to fetch some passengers to this station.

    Patient, patient.....i kept telling myself, i have things to settle.

    Then, PP phoned for the second time that day. "Hello? HanFei? I'm now in the LRT and on my way to...."

    Before he could finish his sentence, i was shouting at him at the other end of the phone, his call had really ignited my hidden anger, "What the heck!? You know how long i waited?! I'm so damn hungry! Whatever, just come quickly!" then i just ended the call. Sensing something weird, i looked around and saw people who was at the bus stop with me, was staring at me with a odd look.

    Embarrassed, i kept silent, bowed my head and waited for PP, quietly.

    10 minutes later, PP finally arrived and the bus feeder had just left. I watched him ran towards my direction as if i was watching a big dark lumpy slime making it's way to me. His clothe was the same as yesterday, seriously.... did he bath?

    I crossed my arms and waited for him to speak. The 1st sentence he spoke to me was, "Sor sor-ry, sorry, sorry," while he grasped for some air. I did not reply.

    "Are you angry?"

    Due to anger I'm no longer the shy person i was 2 days ago, i did not felt any awkwardness , i shot back at him. "Do like look like I'm angry?!"

    "But it wasn't my fault, i kept telling the bus driver to drive faster but well, traffic jam..."

    "Yeah right, i thought you told me you missed the bus before that," sheesh, finding excuses, i thought. All because he was late and missed the bus and i had to pay the price.

    "Yeah, but....." he stammered. Hah! Can't find any other story to support this lame excuse? I ignored him and stared pacing my way to the nearby KFC restaurant. He quickly followed behind. "Please, don't be angry...."he plead. "smile for me, please?"

    "I 'm not angry!, I just no mood to smile!"

    "Please- lar......."

    "Whatever, just quickly finish our lunch so that i can finally go home!"

    "Huh? Why don't we have a walk....after lunch?"

    "NO way! I've been out for 2 days simultaneously! I just wanna go home!"

    "Then, when can i see you again?"

    "Don't know!" he started to piss me off again.

    "What about like this," he had another bad idea in his mind again. "we'll meet each other once a week? So next week....."

    "Hey! i didn't agree to that! What about we meet twice..." i paused as i saw his excited look, "a month," he was disappointed.

    Twice a week? In his dreams, sucker! I thought.

    Finally we arrived the destination. By that time, i was no longer angry nor in bad mood. Each of us ordered a fish burger set and then paid the waiter. Luckily this time, he brought his own money. We find a seat then started eating. Again, he continued to talk about his story such as his parents were out station, his friends loves to watch porn stuff and then the worst part, OUR FUTURE again. I continued to gave him a bored look as he spoke. He saw my bored look.

    He probably knew what i was thinking. Thus, he started talking mussy things again.

    "Do you know that when you smile, your smile was the sweetest smile in the world?"

    Ew........give me a break! I felt like puking all my food back out which i had just done sending them into my mouth. "Yeah right, whatever, anyway, i wanna go wash my hands," Quickly, i stood up and almost dashed my way to the toilet.

    I couldn't stand any of these any longer, i must tell him what i feel about him. I went back to the seat. He wanted to continued that 'sweetest smile' topic again.

    "About the smile, i really mean it....." he said.

    "Hahahahahaha......"i replied him with a made up laugh, and then i "I must tell you something,"

    "What is it?"

    "Seriously-lar, i don't have feeling for you, and i am not interested in relationships like these," i just said it.

    "Oh, yeah....sure....but i'll wait for you...."he said softly in a disappointed tone.

    "yeah, yeah,"

    Then he grinned, "but the problem is... will you be the same?"

    Seriously, please give me a break! Oh God! How can he not realised what i was trying to say?! Is his brain short-circut or is he purposely acted stupid again?

    I gave him a forceful smile.

    Then, i stood up starting to head towards the exit. "Huh? Leaving already? But i don't feel like going home...there's no one home...."

    I ignored him. I made my way toward the LRT Station bus stop. Along the way, i told him about my nightmares ever since we met. I even described last night's dream.

    "Last night, i dreamt about you and me and some of my friends in some sort of tour, and i remember telling you something, " i paused.

    "What is it?"

    "I 'll tell you but i hope you don't mind," last night dream those few sentences i muttered to him, i could still remember so vividly.

    "Yeah, sure, just tell-lar,"

    "Okay, i told you that you're short, dark and fat," i said. Well, that was the truth. I was sorta amazed of my dream and the courage i had in that dream.

    He forced a smile at me and said, "I don't mind, anyway, the feeder bus is leaving, are you going to get on it?"

    "Of course!" and i started to run my way to the bus while shouting ,"BYE!" at him. He waved at me as i watched as he slowly vanished from my sight. This was the last time i ever go out with him.

    After i arrived at my dearest house, i started online like a Internet and blog maniac would do, i kept online till 10, but, i see no sign of PP online, which was a good news. Somehow i had little worries that i had hurt his feeling.

    Despite of that, i still had a peaceful slumber.


    So...good nite!


    Is this the ending?

    If this really the ending, you all would think this as the worst ending you ever read.
    "What the heck!?"

    No, not yet.
    In part 4, some shocking truth about PP and his background will be unravel. Till then stay tune for 'LeT gO'.
    I know i had promised that part 3 is the end of this long story...but i don't have much time to do so...sorry again..

    Oh yeah, please leave some comments after reading. Maybe, i might consider to put his picture up..........hehehehehehee............who knows.........?

    Let Go (Self Version) part 2

    Category: By Han Fei
    Below is one of my prized experiences from the past that i MUST post them in this blog, even if they are kinda old.

    posted on 2/16/06 on my old blog

    Many thanks to those who spent their time to read my article about my 'love experience'.....

    And sorry for not updating this lovely blog for so long, I'm currently busy working as part time sales assistant with SuWei..


    Last night, i had a very unpleasant dreams which kept me awake for some time during the night. In the next morning, my whole body was aching, just because i can't have a good night sleep. Now, i was already in the LRT, on my way to Kelana Jaya LRT Station.

    It only took 5 minutes to arrived the place. As the train, reached the place, i saw him standing at the platfrom waiting. He grinned as he saw me in the train.

    The Train door opened, and he entered the train while i looked at him, boringly. THen he and i found some seats to sit down. I opened my mouth and started to ask about yesterday's event. Shyly he asked me no to talk about the topic now, he wanted to discuss it later.

    "Sure," i replied awkwardly.

    Then, i changed topic and started talking about games, again. Not even once my eyes were set on him, i hate eyes contacts especially to someone i barely know. Even as we chat, my eyes were staring at the scenery outside the train as it moved. The more we talked the less stuff to talk, sometimes we even repeat the same conversations, and then, total silence.

    Finally the train stopped. We had reached Masjid Jamek. I followed him as he lead me to the KTM station. After getting our tickets we enetred the station, we sat on one of the steel bench and waited for the train to come. And then, he started talking about yesterday inccident.

    "So...how?' he asked me

    I replied, "i don't know about it..."for a girl who never had a boyfriend before, his offers were quite tempting. "I don't like to play around with relationship like this...." i was giving him polite warning about it.

    "I'm seriuos about it, real serious," he replied. "Do you know that last night, when i asked you to be my 'that one', " he was unwilling to say the 'G' word, whether he's shy or he's just fooling around i don't know, yet. "My hands were shaking as i waited for your reply....my parents and my sister asked me what happened....i didn't reply them."

    i forced my smile a smile, again. Everytime he says things like this my only response was giving a forceful smile.

    He continued as he spoke, ignoring my twisted emotion. "If my sister pass here and sees us then, this was fate...."

    "WHAT!?" i jumped up. "your sister will pass here?"

    "Yeah, well, often....." he answered softly loud enough to be heard only by me.

    "Hey!, I ain't your girl friend yet! And I MUST EMPHASIZE ON THIS!" i said or rather shouted.

    He just kept silent. I starting to regret going out with him.....

    Few seconds later, he started talking again. THis is where things started to get mussy which made me even disgusted and embarrass. He kept on talking things like, if your my girlfriend and stuff....mostly i no longer can can recall and i don't want to remember! Still, there is one creepy thing he told me....about his dream last night, which sent more chills down my spine.

    "Do you know that last night, i had a dream...?"

    "Huh? What dream?" The moment i said these words out, i knew i would regret.

    "I dreamt that i became a famous games designer with you as my assistant."

    "That's a good thing, right? i asked in a uncertain manner.

    "You not only as my assistant but also......" he paused, looking at me.

    "What?" I got a bad feeling about this.....

    "As my WxFx."

    Ew.......i suddenly felt my belly was playing karate, disgusted, mussy and scary.....
    I forced another grin. The train finally came. I quickly went into the KTM, he followed behind.
    As the train moved, he continued to say mussy stuff. Come on, anyone who knows me knows that i hate mussy love dialogues. I even gave some signs to him hoping that he would just shut his mouth up. I don't know whether he's stupid enough to not understand my signs, or he just purposely ignores me.

    Sometimes he would just sings some english love songs when he and i had nothing to talk.....Help!

    I guess i am the type who couldn't voived my opinion that easily despite that i am a person who likes to critize others.


    (There' one more stop where we had to take the bus to his school but i just skipped the desription about it, it's much or less like what happened in the KTM, all mussy stuff...)

    Finally we arrived at his school. His school's names was Sri Sempurna Private School, that really shows me how a school size can really shrink. It's land was as big as my house, only that it was taller. The poeple there all thought that i was his girfriend.


    And then , PP invites one of his teachers to a Mamat Stall just in front of his school to have a drnk. Along with me, of course. Both of them , just keep on talking while i just sat there silently drinking the nearly tasteless Milo.

    Wanna know what thay talked about?
    Below is a brief conversation which i can still recall from my memories.

    "So how's your work?" the teacher asked as he ate his roti canai.

    "Great, great, my salary was RM1500 per month, do you know that even Datin, wife of the Menteri Pedidikan came to our shop to buy luaggage too??

    "Wow...."the teacher and i was amazed. SuWei's shop was that popular? Hard to believe....

    He keep on talking about his stuff, and how his job was and how he was robbed in One Utama few day ago. His story was rather exaggerate, but we both or rather i believed what he said.
    THen, he asked for a leave, both of us had to chase for the feeder bus if we don't leave now, but the teacher was kind enough to give us a ride back to Bukit Jalil KTM station.

    And then , blah....blah...blah......we are on our way to the Petronas Twin Towers.

    Hehehehehehehehe....you must be wondering how we got there? And why? Weren't we suppose to go back to each respective LRT station and then parted ways? After all, i dislike being with him.

    Oh well, here the story goes, after we bid the teacher good bye, he asked me whether i wanna go to Petronas Twin Towers, of course i rejected him , but then , he pleaded me, saying that his parent's won't be home till 8p.m. Being a soft hearted girl i just agreed, but with one condition, i must go back to by 3.30p.m., so that was how we ended there.

    By the time we reached that place, it was already 2.30p.m. The 1st place we visit was the Kinokuniya BookShop which was the only place we visited in that KLCC Suria. There, he showed me about books which teach you how to design a game. His explanation was rather useless as everything he explain was like show a picture from a game design book and said, "this is how."

    Useless, utter useless. Losing my interest i turned my sight to one of tha game strategies books followed by Comics and Mangas. When, it was 3.05 p.m. he asked me to have a stroll in the KLCC park. I just agreed. Quickly we made our way to the park and found a bench which located just beside the man-made lake and sat down. Then, he started to get all mussy again.

    He talked about the future, OUR FUTURE.

    "If we married, so you want to have a girl or a boy?" he asked.

    "Married?! NoWay! Over MY DEAD BODY!" I cried in my heart, yet in my mouth respond in a rather gentle manner. (Explanation: Ther reason i didn't refuse to go out with him is because i thought he might be giving me a lesson on Game Designing, but i was too naive to think like that...) "Married? WHy do you ask this?"

    "I just say'If', " he quickly explained. "Please just answer the question,"

    Oh, okay, if you really insist, i thought, "A girl,"

    "But why?"

    "I just like girls that's all,"

    "But don't you think that if we had a girl and a boy, isn't that nice?"

    I forced another grin and kept silent.

    "A boy can carried on our family name, "he continued. (Just a quick note, he's also a Teoh.)

    I continued grinning while staring at the lake.

    "Also, i don't want our daughter to marriy a Japanese guy,"

    "Huh?" What the heck?! He's now talking about 'our duagther's future'! Man, he is really a 'far-sighted' boy.

    Then he just talked about the future of our family, i didn't really paid attention to his talk, i just kept on looking at my watch hoping that it would just be 3.30p.m. Finally, it was time. I quickly stood up and daseh my way to the LRT station. He just followed behind. On the way, before arriving the station i met someone from my secondary school , whom i forgot her name, and i gave a real hard slap on her shoulder as we just passed by. She jerked loudly which almost everyone who was there stared at her.

    I laughed so happily and that was the 1st time i really smiled with my heart that whole day. And then we got up to the LRT and headed for Paramount station. On the trian he offered to accompany me to my house. I immediately refused his "kind' offer. Let a guy whom i just know for 2 days to come to my house and loves to talk mussy craps? No way man. Still he insisted to accompany me at the Paramount Station Bus stop till the bus arrived. I sighed. "You wanna accompany, accompany lar,"

    I was started to wory that he would say another mussy things again, luckily i met an old friend of mine named Cheah SuYi , she was on her way home as she had just finished her studies at College Tunku Abdul Rahman. With her around , i thought that he would just shut his mouth up as both of us talked about our old days in school. But he wouldn't whenever we talked about something atht isn't related to him , he would still interrupt our conversation. I felt like slapping him at the face but i couldn't, after all i just know him for like a a few days. Me and Suyi just lauhed awkwardly at him lame unrelated jokes. (or was it a joke?)

    Finally, i arrived at the Paramount Station, i bid SuYi a sweet and funny good bye and just got off the Train and headed to the Bus Stop without waiting for PP. He followed behind. Luckily the bus was there already, but without the driver, so i had to wait for that driver only then i can get in the bus.

    "I'm hungry," he suddenly spoke out. Quietly i sighed, and handed a Ringgit to him for him to buy a Nasi Lemak just beside the Bus stop.

    He talked about stuff related to him, which was boring. And then, i ask his name. "How do you wtite you name in chinese?" I gave a pen and a piece of paper found in my bag to him and ley him write. Due to the fact that he was an english educated chinese, he can't write his name well in chinese characters. THe meaning of his name was something like this, Scenic Flow(?). Well, whatever, just for pass time. And then , he asked me out again, oh God! Of course i rejected him, i had been going out away from my dearest home two days simultaneously, and i dislike being with him, with him around i can't even relax a second. His words are giving goosebumps to my skin. Again, he pleaded me. I sighed and agreed. Maybe i could just tell him the way i felt about him ,and shut him from giving me those mussy love and creepy dialogues, tommorow, for now i still have not yet got the gut to tell him the truth.

    Eventually, the bus driver got into the bus. I quickly say good bye to him and jumped into the bus. Just can't wait to get way from him. The bus started to move, i saw he waved at me as he slowly vanished from my sight. Thank God! He's finally out of my view and i do not need to listen to him mussy words again.

    That night , while i was again 'blogging', he wasn't there to bug me!
    Wanna know why? Because he wasn't online!
    Hahahahahahahaha.............lame, i know.

    Anyway, i still continued to have nightmares, that night. This time, the dream was tormenting, i was dreaming that i was engaged to him(?) ! NOoooooooooo.............still, before the the dreams ends i dreamt that i managed to shout some sentences to him, which in the end the dream ended just what i hoped it would be.

    Maybe i should.......

    To be continued....


    Wanna know what did i say to him?
    I know most of you guys already guest the answer......

    (And aunt. who is definitely be reading this article....i know that you gonna lecturing about things like this, again....and i know i don't have the right to object.)

    Then please stay tune for my next episode of 'Let Go'.

    Let Go (Self Version including a tour to pyramid) part 1

    Category: By Han Fei
    Below is one of my prized experiences from the past that i MUST post them in this blog, even if they are kinda old.

    posted on 2/12/06 on my old blog


    This is another version of the Story of 'Let Go' retold in my point of view. ( For those who hadn't notice the 1st version of 'Let Go' s SHE was me.)



    It was 11.25 p.m. and i was busy "blogging" with my dearest Blog, Iced Feather. All of a sudden, my house phone rang, it was from my long time no see nor chat friend, SuWei. I was curious of her call as i picked up the phone and started to talk to her.

    "Hello?" I asked."Hi, HanFei, it's me, Suwei,"

    "OoO, long time no chat," i grinned "why did you call anyway?"

    "I had a colleague in my working place who designs various games for a company in Japan, i knew that you are also interested in games, so i thought i might give you a call and give him is MSN address to chat with him," she quickly explained.

    Trilled with reply, i instantly jotted down that fella's MSN address. And with the speed of time i zoomed back to my computer and added him in my contact, waiting anxiously for him to get online. Some minutes later, that guy finally was online, immediately, i said hi to him and get straight to the point, and then the guy just simply ask me to him with SuWei on this Friday. I agreed without hesitation, knowing that SuWei will be there and there's nothing to be afraid of.

    I can't recall how, but somehow i told him that i was going out with my ex-classmates(Lekong, XianLong and HonKiat) the next day, to Pyramid's Red Box to have a great time . He wanted to join us, i knew this would be weird but i did not hesitate to agree to let him join, even if he was really one of those sex maniac which commonly could find anywhere, i had my friends with me.To Recognise each other, we each sent our own pictures to one another. And then, i simply just shut down my computer and to went to sleep.



    I arrived at the destination 5 minutes before 12 and was waiting at the Main Gate. Few minutes later, Lekong arrived followed by HonKiat. And then, i saw that guy whom i met during online chat,(which I'll named him as PP) he was dark with the height almost same as mine and was wearing glasses. He came forward and said hi to me and thus i introduced him to my friends. Then, i started to talk to PP, he told many interesting stuff about his game design(which is unrelated about how to create a game) I felt weird but after all he knows many things about game design which i don't, and maybe he might be my mentor. The more we chat the more trill i was. Finally, 15minutes later, XianLong arrived. So we started our little walk by visiting Delicious Kitchen where ShengKai and YouHeng are working.

    Somehow we lost during that process. Imagine, 5 people get lost in Pyramid, that's stupid. Hahahahahahaha........Only blur people like us will get lost! In class, me, XianLong and Lekong with HonKiat were one of the blur case type of people in our class, 5p1, this is was so nostalgic.

    Eventually we found our way to the Delicious Kitchen. There we saw YouHeng and ShengKai standing there as if they were daydreaming. It took a few seconds for them realized we were there at the entrance. YouHeng Came forward and told us that "the food here sucks, don't eat here" still, we entered the restaurant. To be honest, that place was so empty, empty in the sense that there so few customers. We ordered our lunch and started teasing them both.

    It was fun! Hahahahahahaha........

    back to the guy named PP, the more we talked to less topic was left to talk about, the more awkward i felt. Both of us was following the others shadows as we were far behind, somehow i think It had left some deceiving impression on SOME of my ex-classmates about me with that PP fella.(example, XianLong)

    We had our lunch, bidding good bye to YouHeng and ShengKai, we head towards Red Box. The price was RM18++ per person! Walau, it was expensive for a person who hasn't start working like me, HonKiat and Lekong.PP was lucky that he had his Library card with him so he just had to pay RM7++( student price) Still, we registered for a room. The receptionist asked us to be back by 2. Thus, we decided to go to the arcade to have some fun.

    On our way to the arcade, we saw a Merry Go Round Horse Ride for kids, joking, some one suggest ridding it. All of us joined that play, we laughed as we gathered coins to put into that childish machinery. And then it started moving, we had took our joke too far, immediately, me and Honkiat, ran away that moving Merry Go Round which no one was on it. Felt funny and embarrassed. Lekong and PP not wanting to waste the 2 Ringgit sat on two of the three horses while Xianlong was standing beside them as he watched them ride that machinery.

    Me and Honkiat were laughing our breathe out as we stood in a hidden corner watching those two ridding that merry go round, having their childhood flashbacks. Luckily there wasn't many people passing by, but there was a girl, who passed by she stopped for a split second and walked away with a grin hanging on her pretty face. Sadly, none of we there had a camera with us....

    Few minutes later, it stopped, those two idiots immediately jumped down from the Merry Go Round and walked towards us who still haven't recovered from the event. All of us laughed as we made our way to the arcade.

    There, we played some less expensive and economic games.(which there's nothing interesting stuff to talk about.)

    We went to the Red Box. HonKiat suggested that we also can use our last year Chinese Language Society membership card to get a cheaper price. I don't whether this is a good thing or a 'sweat' thing to say, the receptionist accept that card as there were 2 crucial word on the card, High School. So that's how, me and HonKiat get a student price(RM7++).

    We had a 3 whole hours kept singing till we almost lost our voices. It doesn't matter whether we know that song or not, we just keep on singing. And i, most of the time drifter from the original notes and we ended our happy hour with 劲歌金曲 . Oh yeah, during that time PP kept asking me to sing with him, (it's sorta like a hint....) which gave another impression to my other fellow friends.

    we left the room and paid for our happy times, which the total amount was somewhere 90 Ringgit. Phew, that is expensive......As a result of being a member of Red Box, XianLong received six box drinks of Soy bean. He kindly distributed to us and then we parted ways. It was time for Lekong and Honkiat to go back where as i and PP followed XianLong to the Cyber Cafe to continued our fun,after all XianLong was the one who will be providing transport for me to go home.

    *grinned evilly*

    For me, online games are boring, i rather go home and play my ps2. So, PP introduced a game called for me to play, he even signed up for me and taught me how to play that game. Feel something weird is on? i was still unaware of that. Eventually, i still get bored with game.


    So, PP suggested that me and him go to the Mamat Stall for a drink, i agreed. (At that time XianLong was too obsesses with warcaft online) We ordered roti canai and had another talk. The weird things were he kept talking something that related to love and girl friends sort of stuff which me felt.....odd...while i still emphasizing on wanting him to be my mentor to teach me more stuffs and we never even once really talked about how to make a game...he always just bring the topic away.

    After that, we went to meet XianLong at the bus stop located on the other side of the Pyramid. I was so pissed off by XianLong, he said that after Mamat stall, we meet back in the Cyber Cafe, but he just dumped me with that PP to walk all the way to the bus stop. We or rather i, quickly made our way there. Then PP asked me and XianLong whether XianLong could send him back to Kelana Jaya LRT Station.

    Huh? Kelana Jaya LRT station? That far? To begin with, to send him to any nearby LRT Station wasn't even right. Along our way back to Me and Xianlong town, Sungai Way, there not even a LRT station. Anyway, XianLong said that he gotta ask his parents 1st. Which means, Yes.So we waited for like 30 minutes and then our transport arrived. So, we head for home(?), along the way, PP ask me whether i'm busy tomorrow, i replied no then he ask me to visit his school tomoorow(?), weird huh? I don't know what got into me, i just agreed...

    9 p.m.
    i was with done my bath so , i went online.The guy, PP was there already, he automatically say hi to me, so i just reply him, while we chat halfway, he told me something weird, creepy and spooky which made me couldn't have a good night sleep for a few days.

    Guess what it is?
    He asked me to be HIS GIRL FRIEND!
    Oh My GOD!

    At first i was happy to know that i was at least 'attractive' to some people and not a total loser which made a guy to like me(?) yet, i hesitated. For a few minutes my only reply to him in that MSN chat was "Huh?" And then, finally came to my sense and answered him, "let me consider it 1st, tomorrow I'll give you the answer" and then quickly and swiftly, i just bid and lightning goodbye to him and just went offline.

    That night, i had some unpleasant dreams....

    To be continue.....


    Eager to know what is going to happen 'tomorrow' ? Then, stay tune for "Let Go" part 2.
    And please do comment as you wait for the next episode.

    Let Go

    Category: By Han Fei
    Below is one of my prized experiences from the past that i MUST post them in this blog, even if they are kinda old.

    Posted on 2/11/06 on my old blog


    Some days ago, she had been having the most unpleasant nightmares which forced her to kept awake for a very long time during the night. It all started when a particular event happen to her on Wednesday night while she was chatting online with some friends of her. She knew she had to put a stop to this or she will never have a peaceful slumber.

    Finally, yesterday, she gathered some of her courage (plus some anger), and did something which she thought was the best way to have a good night sleep, though it might be an mean act to some but to her, it was a true releasement from the nightmare prison. Then, that night, she indeed had the most peaceful slumber in this whole tormenting week.

    What happened back then? What did she did to release from being tormented? Perhaps only God , she, and some other people who involved in such matters will understand...

    "A peace above all earthly dignities, a still and quiet conscience." ~ William Shakespeare


    By Han Fei

    Appeared in Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep
    Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


    Appeared in Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, Kingdom Hearts II,
    Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

    Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
    Appeared in Kingdom Hearts II

    Ashelia B'nargin Dalmasca
    Appeared in Final Fantasy Xii

    Tifa Lockhart

    Aerith GAinborough