Posted on 3 January 2008


People thought I'm happy that's why I laughed.
People thought I'm never looked down because I smiled.
People thought I'm angry because I'm not smiling.
People thought I'm in bad mood because I'm not laughing.

I always smiled; does that mean I'm happy?
I always laughed; does that mean I'm delighted?

Gheez… … go get a tip!
Use your brain and think for once!
Don't tell me you guys never watched serial dramas?
Why is there someone who had to always pretend that they are happy to hide their feelings?
Gheez why do you think I want to drunk myself in the 1st place?

Excuses, excuses, excuses, my my, aren't I full of shits and craps today?
What's wrong? Are you asking me? Oh there's nothing wrong... ...every things is perfect just as life ALWAYS is. Hypocrites...
So what?! I'm full of shit that's why people are happy!
SO I can be a clown, who can hide my feelings behind those disgusted white and red pain. Even if there are tears rolling down I will not have to fear that the audience know those are tears, just sweats, sweats of stuffing myself into that hot and thick pathetic costumes.
SO why matters?
Nothing ever matters in life, why bother?
Why struggle?
… …
God help me … …let me go, away of nihilism… …away from somewhere were I'm not meant to be… away… …please Lord…forsake your servants not... ...

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